Dienstag, 18. August 2015

I don't have to explain myself.

Last weekend I told some friends of mine the story how about a month ago another friend of mine got me a package filled with 15 bars of chocolate just because she thought it would be funny. And it was funny, I even made her a video when I opened the package, because I didn't know what was in it and it got her crying on the floor from laughter because literally all I said while opening was "What the f...?!?". But when I told this story one of those friends (well, actually he's more of an acquaintance than a friend) started laughing and said something along the lines of "Haha, and all of it is gone by now, I guess?". Needless to say that this sentence felt like a slap in the face. It hurt that just because I am bigger than other people they assume I eat chocolate whenever it's shoved into my face. In that moment I didn't have the words to say what I should've said and I didn't want to kill the vibe of the party. But as the days go on I catch myself thinking about this very moment, feeling angry and hurt and I contemplate with myself whether to text him or just leave it be. And then today while driving on my bike through the rain (best time to think, really!) I thought "Actually, I don't have to explain myself.". I could've told this person that I didn't eat all of the chocolate at once and that in reality it's quite the contrary. I could've said that just because I have more fat than him it doesn't make me unhealthy. I could've told him, that I go to school by bike and that that's a distance of about 20 kilometers every day. But I know this wouldn't have mattered to him, he would've thought of it as a joke. I know this because in the situation I in fact answered with "No, I think I still have about 13 bars left." and got laughed at again. So no, I shouldn't have said any of those things. I should have said "You know what? I don't have to explain myself." and I should've left. But I didn't. I tried to explain to him, that I'm not an always-eating person who doesn't care about her body, although there's absolutely no reason for it. My body is mine and it's beautiful the way it is and yet people manage to make me feel like I am wrong. His opinion of my body doesn't define me. And it certainly shouldn't make me want to explain myself. It makes me so angry that this society is brain-washed by the media to think only skinny people are beautiful and that having fat ultimately means being unhealthy and ugly. I don't understand how people can make fun of others for how their body is built and I certainly do not understand why people who notice such things don't take action, don't open their mouths in favor of the person being bullied, don't tell the person off. I think most people don't understand how hard it is to accept your own body under so much pressure by media and society. And even if you accept yourself fully it's still hard to deal with it when people use you for their jokes. I don't mean to offend anyone, I just want people to notice such things, to take action and to just be kind in daily life, because the world can be a shitty place and life is hard sometimes. Don't make it harder by being an asshole. Thank you.
♥ Regenschirmtier

1 Kommentar:

  1. Kuhlianchen ]:0)18. August 2015 um 19:23

    You're absolutely right: You definitely don't have to explain yourself!

    And believe me: You are beautiful the way you are! Much more beautiful than the guy who told this bullsh** to you - at least in my view. 'Cause your <3 is in the right place!

    Love you :-*